The King vs. The Family of Humpty Dumpty

A nervous silence fell over the court house as the King entered. He was surrounded by four men, swords sheathed but at the ready for any attack. Their eyes fixed around the room for any enemies. The king himself remained as calm as he always seemed, being marched down to the accused bench. He sat down calmly in the chair made especially for him and glanced over to the new widow of Mrs Jumpty Dumpty.
At the sight of his gaze she burst into a new set of tears as the grief washed over her. Her lawyer, Mr MacDonald, put a comforting hand on her and assured that everything would be okay.
“Are you sure this will work?” She asked him.
“Don’t worry,” he said softly. “I’ve got enough on him to convince any court.”
Mrs. Dumpty looked down quietly. He had been a fairly cheap lawyer. His father had been one of the farmers so he didn’t have much of an education. But it was all she could afford. And all she could risk.
The judge came out from one of the side doors.
“All rise,” a man called out. The court all rose, save for the king. He glared to the judge in annoyance, as if his time was wasted here on some fools errand.
The judge soon appeared at the stand. He hit the gavel a few times to bring everyone to attention.
“This court is now in session,” he proclaimed, before sitting down. The courtroom sat down once more. “We gather here today for the Dumpty Family vs The State, specifically regarding the suspicious circumstances of Mr Humpty Dumpty’s death.”
“Objection, hearsay,” the accused lawyers called out. “This is still an on going case. My client is not guilty of any of the charges laid out.”
“Objection noted, sustained,” the judge said, nodding solemnly, before turning to the transcriber. “Please note that in the record.”
“Thanks,” The King said absently.
The opening continued to go on as all the charges were listed, including conspiracy, whistleblowing, assassination of individual, and bribery. They moved into opening arguments.
“Mr MacDonald,” the Judge called out. “Would you please begin?”
“Yes, your honour.”
“Then you have the court.”
Mr MacDonald bowed and headed up to the witness stand. He placed his papers down on the bench and sighed. He glanced back over to Mrs Dumpty, who’s tears had now dried away, then back ahead.
“Members of the Jury,” he began. “It is my belief, as well as the belief of my clients, that Mr Humpty Dumpty did not, in fact, randomly have the great fall we all believe he did. Humpty Dumpty was, in fact, pushed off said wall on the orders of either the King or one of his advisors.”
A hushed set of whispers ran throughout the courtroom. The audience members turned to each other in a mixture of fear and astonishment. The king himself remained oddly passive as ever, refraining to acknowledge this rather serious accusation. Mr MacDonald then continued:
“It is well known now that Mr Dumpty dealt a rather serious blow to the kingdom due to his expose on the violent interrogation and torture techniques, as well as the overzealous military operatives. How even when the higherups had heard about these event’s, they did not punish those who committed these crimes but rather swept it under the rug. And while these specific accusations are still being investigated, they have been causing a great deal of trouble for the king and his men. Now, we won’t get into that area of discussion. What we will instead focus on is how my clients husband died.
“The first curious circumstances are the matter of how he allegedly died. Humpty Dumpty was a well known wall sitter. Before his brief stint as a journalist, he was a top level archer, able to hit a target as much as three hundred metres away during a storm with extreme accuracy.”
“Objection, relevance,” the defendant called out. “Mr Dumpty’s career in the military is not in question. I fail to see how this is being brought up?”
“Your honour, I am simply explaining that Mr Dumpty was familiar with this wall and able to stay on it in the harshest conditions, thus the discrepancy of how he could have accidentally fallen.”
“I see,” The judge said. “Objection overruled. But please make it brief.”
“Thank you, your honour,” Mr MacDonald bowed. “As I was saying, Mr Dumpty’s knowledge of that physical area was extensive and thus he was unlikely to have a, quote, ‘great fall’, end quote. Now, the defendant has brought up the possibility of suicide. However given the lack of evidence to this, such as previous behaviour, a note, a history of this, it is unlikely to suggest this as a possible option. So given this, we must infer that foul play was committed by someone on behalf of those who would benefit from his death. And given the most likely candidates, that would be one of the kings staff, if not himself.”
“Objection, speculation,” the accused said.
“Sustained,” the judge said. “This is a serious accusation you’re giving, Mr MacDonald. Do you have any proof?”
“As a matter of fact…” Mr MacDonald said. “I do.”
The audience gasped. For the briefest of seconds even the king’s eye flinched slightly at the news. It was hardly a few seconds, barely enough for anyone to see. But Mr MacDonald caught it. He grinned as he continued.
“Your honour, I have found that the king has spread a purposeful disinformation campaign about my client in the form of nursery rhymes and songs. After analysing them I find reason to believe that this was intentional. We have already covered the first two lines, but it is important to go over the second ones. They read, quote, ‘All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put Humpty together again,’ end quote. Now, I ask you and the members of the jury these two questions. First, why did the king know straight away that Mr Dumpty fell from the wall? And two, why did he not send a more qualified member such as a doctor to treat his wounds?”
The audience turned to each other in great disbelief. They had all heard the official reports, but they never thought about it that way. The only people at the scene of the crime were members of the guard. No mention of someone who could actually help. They just assumed that would be the case.
The king shifted uncomfortably in his chair that the news. The guards around him took to their swords for comfort, though did not draw them out.
“This, your honour, is the specific piece of evidence I provide to you as to why the king or one of his men committed an act of murder. There is currently not enough evidence to suggest a meagre fall. The horses themselves could have easily broken his body by trampling over him. And of course, the investigators who arrived at the scene could not make heads or tails of it with how badly it had been contaminated.”
“I see,” the judge spoke calmly. “I request that you submit your evidence as soon as you can then. We must go to recess now to sort this all out. Until then -” he took hand of the gavel “- all are dismissed.”
The judge hit the gavel down and everyone all got up to leave. Mr MacDonald thanked the judge and headed back to his bar to comfort Mrs Dumpty. He took one final glance over to the king who had become visibly shaken.
Mr MacDonald smiled. He had won.


Image Credit: PublicDomainPictures.net

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